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#578 – New York Ninja (2021)
New York Ninja (2021)
Film review #578
Director: John Liu, Kurtis M. Spieler
SYNOPSIS: John, a sound technician at a TV station learns that his wife is pregnant. Shortly after, she is killed after witnessing a kidnapping. Determined to take revenge, and with the police investigation going nowhere, John becomes the “N.Y. Ninja,” and take down the bad guys on the streets of New York while searching for his wife’s killers…
THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: New York Ninja is a 2021 martial arts film. The story behind this film is very fascinating, and should serve as a backdrop to any analysis of the film: all of the footage was shot in the 80’s under the direction of John Liu, who also starred in the main role (also named John Liu). The film was never released, and the footage went unused until it was acquired by the film preservation company Vinegar Syndrome. The footage had no credits, audio, storyboards or script, so the six to eight hours of footage had to be cut down into a coherent film, dialogue written and recorded, and a soundtrack written. Thus, we get New York Ninja: a “new” 80’s movie in 2021. The plot itself concerns a sound technician whose pregnant wife is murdered because she witnesses some sort of kidnapping. From here the story gets completely wild: John becomes a vigilante ninja to bring criminals to justice, and hunting down the men who killed his wife, who apparently work for a serial killer called “The Plutonium Killer” who is somewhat mutated from radiation exposure or something.
As mentioned, the film’s footage was discovered with no script or audio, so the editors had to somehow make a coherent story out of the hours of footage they had. To the editors credit, they do manage to make something coherent. However, just because it is coherent doesn’t mean it makes any kind of rational sense: the film is absolutely all over the place even with the editing, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing; in fact, that’s what makes the film so fun. This film is genuinely a case of not knowing what happens next, because nothing you see is a logical precursor to what will happen. you can have a ninja on roller skates fighting crime, then there’s “The Plutonium Killer,” whose origins are never explained. At one point, The Plutonium Killer manages to take someone else’s appearance by burning an photo of them: the whole thing has no rhyme or reason, and it’s glorious.
You can tell that a lot of heart and good will was put into this movie, even if nobody had any idea how to make a film, and that’s part of its appeal. There’s some attempt at choreography in the fight scenes, but nothing overly spectacular, and there’s some effort put into the make up on The Plutonium Killer as his face melts off, but there’s nothing else really noteworthy about the effects or the production. This film shines through at being a fun “so bad it’s good” film, with over-the-top performances, quotable dialogue, fun fights and just being so damn unpredictable that it’s a riot to watch alone or with friends: probably both, because it’s perfectly rewatchable too.
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#577 – Diamond Ninja Force (1988)
Diamond Ninja Force (1988)
Film review #577
Director: Godfrey Ho
SYNOPSIS: Construction work unearths human remains that turn out to be the burial site of the magical Black Ninja Clan. Their descendants try to blackmail the land owners to sell the land of them but they refuse, forcing the Black Ninja Clan to hire a witch to mess with them. the owners hire Gordon, a magical ninja from another clan, to defeat the Black Ninja Clan.
THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Diamond Ninja Force is a 1988 martial arts film. The plot revolves around Gordon, a ninja who is hired to stop the evil Black Ninja Clan from blackmailing and threatening a landowner and his family who have unearthed the burial grounds of the Black Ninja Clan following some construction work there. The clan also hire a witch to use her magic on the landowner’s family, so they call in Gordon, another ninja to stop the Black Ninja Clan. If the plot sounds all over the place, then there is good reason for that: that’s exactly what it is. The film opens up with an introduction by martial artist Shô Kosuge, who introduces the katana to viewers; he does not, however, mention the film you are about to watch in any capacity. The film itself doesn’t make much sense, in part because it is composed of bits of different films stitched together that barely relate to one another. There’s a horror film about a family being haunted by an evil spirit that forms part of the plot, and the scenes with Gordon in are clearly made after to fit around them. As a result of this mish-mash of footage, the film has no sense of pacing or structure. Some scenes last far too long, such as the awkward sex scene, and the whole sub-plot concerning a horny witch relates to nothing. In fact, the whole element of magic just makes little sense.
Gordon seems to be the least likely candidate for a ninja that you could possibly imagine: he is a middle-aged, moustached white man. What sort of Ninja clan he is supposed to be descended from I have no idea. Richard Harrison, who plays Gordon, also played a ninja in a previous Godfrey Ho film: Ninja Terminator, but this is not a sequel to that film, as the character he played in that film was named Harry. however, he had the same wife, ninja powers, and even the same Garfield-shaped phone he would use, which just makes things even more confusing. The rest of the characters don’t really make much of an impact: their voices are dubbed over the footage from other films so there’s very little holding everything together. While there is clearly a bit of choreography done in the fight scenes, it offers nothing exciting or special; just some backflipping to dodge some bullets which seems wholly inefficient. Overall, Diamond Ninja Force is a mess, but an expected mess typical of Ho’s work. The lack of any kind of pacing, reason or coherence in this film makes it tough to get through, and while there’s a few points that are pretty funny because of how bad or out of place they are (such as the Garfield phone), on the whole it just fails to be entertaining. Maybe worth a watch just to see how absurd it is.
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#576 – Eagle Island (1986)
Eagle Island (1986)
Film review #576
Director: Mats Helge
SYNOPSIS: A military installation in Sweden comes under attack by Russian special forces ninjas. The soldiers on the island attempt to fend them off from obtaining a secret code.
THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Eagle Island is a 1986 action film. Set on Eagle Island (unsurprisingly) somewhere near Sweden, a military installation comes under attack from a group of Russian special forces who might also be ninjas, looking for a secret code, and the inhabitants must fend off the attackers. There’s not much else to say about the story: it is both completely devoid of any substance, and overly convoluted with additional characters that serve no purpose. The main thread of the story (apart from the Russian ninjas) is a guard on the island who has to escort a woman trespassing on the island to take photos of the eagles that give the island its name back to the mainland. The two inexplicably fall in love and get together, and when they learn about the Russian ninjas, they decide to go back to the island to stop them or something. It sounds like a premise which might be interesting, but there is so little that actually happens in the film you’ll be horrendously bored and disappointed that the film doesn’t match the premise.
Probably the most disappointing aspect is that the “ninjas” aren’t really ninjas at all, and just use weapons. Obviously the film wanted to capitalise on the ninja trend, but without wanting to do the choreography and stunts for it. The action is just the occasional gunfight, and as mentioned the story is all over the place and fails to establish any of the characters in any real depth. The most notable aspect of the film and it’s only real saving point is the soundtrack: it is the most eighties soundtrack you can ever imagine, and the synths and beat goes hard. It’s actually not a bad soundtrack either, but it is wholly misplaced in this film, and just adds to the sense of confusion experienced while watching. Overall, Eagle Island is a mess that is devoid of any real story, its characters have no personality or development, and the soundtrack is just so out of place it’s difficult to comprehend it. You don’t need to let you curiosity get the better of you with this one: there’s really nothing of value here.
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#575 – R.I.P.D. 2: Rise of the Damned (2022)
R.I.P.D. 2: Rise of the Damned (2022)
Film review #575
Director: Paul Leyden
SYNOPSIS: Sherriff in the Old West Roeciphus Pulsipher is gunned down and killed in a shootout with some outlaws. Before he can proceed to the after life, he is recruited by the Rest in Peace Department (R.I.P.D.) to hunt down souls that have not departed from the Earth. “Roy” is partnered with veteran officer Jeanne to investigate a disturbance that could put the whole of humanity at risk…
THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: R.I.P.D. 2: Rise of the Damned is a 2022 film. Despite what the name implies, the film is not a sequel, but a prequel to the 2013 film R.I.P.D., in which we see the story of how veteran officer Roeciphus “Roy” Pulsipher joined the department. The film is set in the Old West, where Roy is killed in a shootout with a local outlaw gang. He is recruited by the Rest in Police Department (R.I.P.D.) to deal with souls called “Deados” who have remained on Earth after death and must be sent to the afterlife. Roy is teamed up with another officer, Jeanne, to investigate an increase in strange activity. If you watched the first film, you’ll know exactly what to expect from this film, because it is basically the same plot: rookie and veteran partner up to stop the souls of the dead from returning to Earth. However, unlike the first film, which was still entertaining by just rushing through the film and relying on constant action and strong character performances, R.I.P.D. 2 doesn’t even have that, and the film stumbles along without any real energy or appeal. It doesn’t expand on the world or the lore in any way, it doesn’t reveal anything new about the characters, it’s just a completely recycled product with all the good stuff thrown out.
The only returning character from the first film is Roy, who was played by Jeff Bridges in the original, is played here by Jeffrey Donovan (obviously Bridges would have been a bit too pricey for this low-budget prequel). While I see a lot of praise for Donovan’s performance, I just didn’t see it. In his defence, it might just be the awful script and writing that is giving him stunted dialogue and interactions, which is certainly feasible, as the characters interact rather clumsily. Jeanne ‘s characters is very much a typical “veteran cop,” and the French accent gives it away that she is meant to be Joan of Arc fairly early, although the film “reveals” it a lot later (although I’m not sure if it is meant to be obvious, because the writing doesn’t indicate it). Despite her being a famous historical figure, it doesn’t fails to add anything to the film or her character. Following the lore of the film, Roy and Joan look completely different to living people so they can’t be recognised, and are given the appearance of two black women. This does present an opportunity for the film to address the racism and status of black people in the Old West, but the film chooses to play it safe and does the bare minimum with it. If they’re not going to address the topic, they might as well just not bothered having it as a plot point at all.
Every establishing shot in the film gives away that everything is a set devoid of substance beyond the camera. The effects are plain, and nothing stands out to make things interesting. The ending wraps things up in a roundabout way and addresses issues that I didn’t realise were an issue (who actually shot Roy or something). Overall, you’re not going to get anything out of this film that the original, and is far inferior in every way. Everything about the film feels cheap and uninspired, and the things that made the original entertaining are absent. Releasing ten years after the original as well means that the opportunity to ride the hype of its predecessor is long gone, leaving it alone and essentially dead on arrival.
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#574 – R.I.P.D. (2013)
R.I.P.D. (2013)
Film review #574
Director: Robert Schwentke
SYNOPSIS: Police officer Nick Walker is killed by his partner Bobby Hayes as he wants to get rid of some gold that the two found on a random drug bust. He finds himself recruited into the R.I.P.D.: The “Rest in Peace Department,” which is a supernatural force whose purpose is to hunt down people that have died and still roaming the Earth. Partnered with a veteran officer, the two discover the circumstances behind Nick’s death are tied to a much bigger plot…
THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: R.I.P.D. is a sci-fi action film based on the comic book of the same name. The film opens up with police officers Nick Walker (Reynolds) and Bobby Hayes (Bacon) are discussing some gold they took on a random drug bust, but kept it for themselves. Nick decides he is going to turn the gold into evidence, and Bobby decides to kill Nick at their next drug bust when no one else is around. Nick finds himself dead, but before he is whisked away to the afterlife, he is brought to the R.I.P.D. to be recruited as an officer who specialises in thwarting people who have died and are still hanging around Earth, causing them to transform into hideous creatures called “Deados.” Nick is partnered with veteran officer Roicephus “Roy” Pulsipher, who was a sheriff in the Old West before he died, and the two manage to stumble upon a plot that threatens the whole world, which they naturally have to put a stop to. The story can very easily be summed up as a combination of the films Men in Black and Ghost: you can see certain scenes are almost complete cut-and-paste jobs from these two. Alongside this, it doesn’t have either the worldbuilding or quickfire comedy of Men in Black, nor the emotional depth of Ghost, leaving a film that just completely fails to build its own identity. The plot of an ancient artifact being built that will wipe out the Earth is basically the plot to every Men in Black film. It feels like the script was just finished at it’s first draft, and no one bothered to add in any specific details or worldbuilding to give it some depth. Despite the criticisms, the film actually does a good job of avoiding any boring exposition, and just jumps right into everything and explaining things as it goes. Part of this might be because there’s not much to actually explain, but at least the film manages to keep momentum going over the rather short runtime of just over ninety minutes.
The characters are very much what you would expect: Ryan Reynolds is Ryan Reynolds: it doesn’t matter what the name of the actual character, because he’s just playing the same character he always does. Jeff Bridges playing Old West lawman Roeciphus “Roy” Pulsipher is certainly the stand out performance. Again, he’s not got much depth beyond being the “grizzled veteran” type, but it’s guaranteed fun every time he is on screen. Kevin Bacon as the villain is unremarkable, and Nick’s wife Julia barely leaves a mark. As mentioned, the film lacks and seems to avoid the emotional depth that would have made their relationship and the significance of Nick’s death a solid plot point. Even if it was, it wouldn’t have been any different from the plot of Ghost (again, as mentioned). The film doesn’t seem to know what it wants its audience to be: it doesn’t have the established jokes and wit to be a comedy movie for young adults, the lack of emotional drama for older adults, and is a bit too adult for younger viewers, so the film just rushes straight through the middle with nothing sticking to it.
It’s difficult to find something else to say about the film, because there’s not much content to comment on. The film was blasted for being derivative of other films and a box office bomb, making nowhere near its budget upon release. However, I don’t think it’s all bad: sure, it has no substance, but it’s paced well, and maintains its momentum and energy through to make it a pretty entertaining film with no lulls. R.I.P.D. is the epitome of mindless cinematic entertainment that brings nothing new or significant to the table, but a short bit of fun if you’re in the mood.
